The Way I Loved You
by JessicaWritesEclare
Summary: Jake was… perfect. He was sweet, caring, and handsome… So why am I still wishing he was Eli?
1. I Wish This Was You

**Disclaimer**: If I owned Degrassi, I obviously wouldn't be writing fan fiction.

**Title**: The Way I Loved You

**Summary**: Jake was… perfect. He was sweet, caring, and handsome… So why am I still wishing he was Eli?

So this is will probably have like three chapters, if you review ;D Inspired by The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift. Enjoy! :)

**Chapter 1: I Wish This Was You...**

Clare's POV:

I sit on the floor and watch as Jake jokes around with his friends… Wasn't this _date_ night? _Just_ me and him? I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, pulling my knees against my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

"Clare?" I look up and see that Jake is standing over me. "Are you mad?"

His hand grabs mine and I pull it away fast. His hand is warm and soft.

Not like Eli's.

His are rough and freezing, and somehow I fell in love with the feeling of Eli's hands.

I push the thoughts out of my mind and look at my boyfriend. "What's wrong, darling?" He asks.

Darling.

Eli used to call me darling.

Jake's voice is extremely deep. Too deep. Not soothing, like Eli's was.

"N-nothing," I stutter, trying to get my mind off of my ex-boyfriend.

"Are you mad at me?" He repeats the question and I shake my head. "Well what's wrong then?"

"I'm just thinking," I say, averting my eyes from his.

"About what?" Jake says, smiling at me.

A genuine smile.

Nothing compared to that beautiful smirk.

"It's just nothing," I say, attempting to keep the sadness out of my voice.

"I'm sorry for bringing the guys," He says, leaning in for a kiss. I turn my head away and he captures my cheek.

"It's fine," I mutter, burying my face in my knees. I hear Jake's sneakers walk away from me and I can't hold it in anymore. Tears pour out of my eyes and soak in to my jeans. I feel arms wrap around me and pull me tightly against his body.

I just cry more.

These arms are holding me protectively.

Eli's arms held onto me like I needed him and like he needed me. He held me to comfort me, to protect me.

Not to claim me.

"What's wrong?" Jake's voice whispers in my ear.

"I said it's nothing. I'm just overreacting. I'm just going to walk home, you can play with the guys for the night," I say, standing up. He wraps his arms around me and grabs my hips. I try to pull away but he tightened his grasp.

"I love you, Clare." Jake says, kissing me. I reach up and brush the hair out of his eyes.

As much as I want to believe that moving hair from his eyes would turn his light hair black and his brown eyes green, I know it will never happen.

I still need Eli.

I smile weakly and pull away from him.

"Bye," I mutter. The sad look on his face quickly disappears when his friends turn the music up and start dancing.

Eli would have chased after me.

Eli wouldn't have even brought his friends on our date night in the first place.

But this is now. Eli is gone.

He has Imogen.

And I have Jake.

How did we end up this way?

I'm just waiting for Jake to turn into Eli. My Eli.

No matter what would happen in my life, Eli would always be my Eli because I know I will always love him.

He was acting crazy, I know, but I need him.

The warm summer air hits me and I realize it's been three months since the breakup, since the accident. Three months since I've been with Jake. I knew Eli seeing me with another guy less than a week after our breakup would kill him, but then I didn't care.

I fell for Jake fast.

He was extremely attractive and I was in a terrible mental state. He just seemed to be absolutely perfect….Until he started pressuring me into things, putting his hands in my shirt or up my skirt.

I would immediately push his hands away, blushing furiously. I had let Eli touch me because he didn't force it on me. We'd both go home sexually frustrated, but just feeling his cold touch on my bare skin was enough for me to go crazy.

I am still in love with Eli.

I pass Degrassi community school and stop.

That's the place.

I can almost make out the silhouette of Morty, the way it stopped when he ran over my glasses.

_You have pretty eyes._

Thinking of those words cause my heart to swell and my eyes to tear up.

Who knew four words could have such an impact on your life?

The empty parking lot seems bigger without any cars and without anyone here. I walk over to the place where Eli used to park Morty, where he now parks his small black car.

It was plain.

It wasn't him.

He wasn't himself because of me.

Because of my stupid little lapse of bitch.

I sit down in the parking spot, probably on something gross. I don't care.

I reach in my bag and grab my phone, scrolling to the E's. It is so tempting to call him. Instead I hit the delete button, taking the first step to forgetting him. I knew it was useless; I had memorized his number.

I sit on the ground, staring at the place where Eli and I had met. The memories flood my brain and I start to sob.

The way his soft lips would massage over mine. The way his tongue would always have a sweet taste on it when it met mine. The way his hand would hesitantly rest on my hips. The way he would rub his hand up and down my stomach before he cautiously rested his hand over my breast.

The way he loved me.

Now, Imogen has him. She gets to feel his hands all over her body whenever she wanted. She gets to feel his lips over hers whenever she wanted.

She has him whenever she wants him.

I wipe my face and pick up my bag, standing up. When I fling my bag over my shoulder, something in the corner of my eye catches my attention. Then it all dawned on me.

I know how to fix this…

* * *

><p>Review and I'll update. :)<p>

Thanks for reading! :D


	2. I'm Yours

**Disclaimer**: I don't Degrassi, but I own Munro Chambers ;)

**Title**: The Way I Loved You

**Summary**: Jake was… perfect. He was sweet, caring, and handsome… So why am I still wishing he was Eli?

**A/N**: I'm working on a one shot now that will be posted sometime next week maybe? I have another chapter of Our Little Adventures mostly done, so that will be posted sometime this week. If you haven't read it, check it out :)

On to the story…

**Chapter 2: I'm Yours**

Eli's POV

I lay her down on my bed and hover over her body, kissing her cheek. She giggles and pulls my head up to look her in the eyes. Her blue eyes pierce mine as she smiles at me.

"I love you so much, Eli," She says, kissing me.

"I love you too, Clare," I say and she hugs me closer to her. I press my lips against hers and she gasps. I take that as an opportunity to plunge my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue follows mine, battling for dominance. She pulls away only when she needs to breathe.

She reaches up and pulls on my shirt, tearing it over my head. I lace my fingers through her curly hair and play with it, as silky as it always was. She kisses my neck and licks my Adam's apple. I let my hands fall from her hair and land on her neck, moving them to cup her cheeks.

"Don't ever leave me, Clare," I whisper huskily in her ear and she smiles.

"I will never leave you, Eli," She says, her voice as quiet as mine. I start to unbutton her shirt and pull it off her body, throwing it with mine. I stare hungrily at her breasts, nearly pouring out of her bra. I can feel myself grow hard behind my skinny jeans.

I reach around her back and unhook her bra, pulling it off and letting her breasts fall out. She flips us over and straddles my lap, kissing me hard. I trace her curves with my hands softly, before inching up further and cupping her breasts in my hands. I tweak her nipple and she moans loudly in my mouth, turning me on even more.

Her hands move down my stomach, feeling my muscles twitch beneath her touch.

My breath hitches in my throat in surprise when I feel her stroking my erection through my jeans. She unbuttons my pants and pulls them down. Her hand pushes their way into my boxers and she grips my length. I grit my teeth and moan. Her small hand moves slowly up and down, applying more and more pressure every time she reaches the tip, using her thumbnail to collect the pre-cum spilling out of the slit and coating the tip.

She pulls away and tugs my boxers down. She kisses my neck and rubs her hands up and down my chest. She moves her head lower, licking my nipple experimentally. I arch my back slightly and grip her short hair. Her whole mouth envelopes my nipple and chews on it greedily, while twisting my other one in between her fingers.

"Clare," Her name falls off my lips and I feel her smirk against my skin. She pulls away, kissing down my stomach. My body stiffens when her soft lips wrap around the head of my throbbing dick.

She swirls her tongue around the tip and then stabs it into the slit, making my eyes roll back. I buck my hips up and thrust into her mouth. She giggles at my eagerness and the vibrations in the back of her throat feel amazing. She sucks harder and I know I'm already on the edge.

She pulls away right before I cum and gives me a weird look. "Eli, wake up," She says, her voice soft.

"But Clare," I start to protest in confusion and she stops me.

"Eli, just wake up," She says, before leaning down and sucking as hard as she could on the tip of my dick. She strokes what isn't in her mouth and I cum in her mouth. She swallows all of it and crawls next to me, placing her head on my chest. "Wake up," She whispers.

I wake up with a start, a light sheen of sweat covering my face. I feel a familiar throbbing in between my legs and groan, grabbing a tissue and cleaning myself off.

It was just a dream.

It is always just a dream.

I am psycho. Clare wouldn't want me back.

I mentally slap myself.

I'm going out with Imogen, not Clare.

Her brown eyes could never compare to the beautiful light blue that used to light up whenever I walked in the room… Now they just darken and she avoids my gaze.

Imogen's hair is stringy and black.

Nothing like the silky, auburn hair I used to wrap around my fingers.

The way that beautiful blush always painted her cheeks. The way she was always so shy around me.

The way I never got enough of her. The way I _could _never get enough of her.

The way I knew I'd always love her.

I snap myself out of my thoughts when I hear the doorbell ring. I tug a pair of jeans on quickly and walk downstairs.

I open the door and my heart drops.

"Hi," The blue eyes avert my shocked stare. Her normal curls are a tousled mess. There are bags underneath her eyes and I know that she hasn't been sleeping.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. I couldn't stop myself.

Here she is. This is what I've been waiting for for three months. And here she is on my doorstep. Talking to me.

"I wanted to let you know that… that I miss you. I miss you so much, Eli. I miss you so much that it hurts me," She says, causing me to snap.

Tears prick the corners of my eyes. "You _left_ me in the hospital. How the _fuck_ do you think that felt? I gave _everything _up for you. I _loved_ you," I hiss in her face.

"I've regretted leaving you ever since I did," Clare whispers, tears pouring down her rosy cheeks.

"What about that stunt you pulled with Jake? Huh, Clare? You didn't think that would hurt me? You went out with him less than a week after we broke up. How the fuck do you think I felt?" I yell and she backs away.

"I was stupid, Eli. All I know is that I still love you," She says, her voice hoarse.

"You had your chance. I wanted to _die_, Clare. You left me alone. You know I had stuff to deal with. Why the fuck would you just leave me?" I shout, throwing my arms in the air.

"Eli, I love you," Clare repeats.

"I have a girlfriend, Clare. You have a boyfriend. And you aren't my girlfriend and I'm not your boyfriend," I say sternly. She shakes her head and pushes past me, sitting down on my couch.

She starts to sob and I close the front door. "I can't stand Jake," Clare whimpers. I sit next to her and rub her back. "I love you so much, Eli," She whispers.

"Clare, calm down," I say. I feel my composure start to break seeing her like this. She looks at me with her innocent blue eyes and I know that all my anger towards her for leaving is gone. "I love you too," I whisper, pulling her into my arms.

"I have something for you," Clare says quietly. I look at her questioningly as she grabs my hand.

"What is it?" I ask.

"It's the way that I'll always be yours and you'll always be mine. I want you to have this," Clare says, letting go of my hand and pulling the ring off the ring finger on her left hand. She drops it in my hand shyly.

"I can't take this, Clare," I say, holding my hand out to her for her to take the ring back. "Your virginity means so much to you."

"Eli, this way, we'll always have something special between us. It's the way we can show that we love each other more than anything," Clare says.

"Is this what you really want?" I ask. A small smile spreads across her face and she nods slowly. I lean in and connect our lips.

A lemon next chapter? Yes? No? :)

Review please :D

*Eli didn't have sex with Julia, so he's a virgin too.*


	3. The First Time

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Degrassi, but Degrassi will own me in 2 days x)

**Title**: The Way I Loved You

**Summary**: Jake was… perfect. He was sweet, caring, and handsome… So why am I still wishing he was Eli?

Thanks for all the amazing reviews :D This chapter is rated M for sweet, beautiful Eclare sex ;)

I have summer work up the ass so I won't be updating a lot until it's all finished. Just letting you know. xD

**Chapter 3: The First Time**

Clare's POV

Eli kisses me roughly and pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. His body topples over me as he lays me down on the couch, our lips never disconnecting. I lick his lips anxiously with my tongue, begging for an entrance. His lips part slowly and my tongue darts into his mouth.

I had missed this. I had missed his smell, oh God, his smell. The taste of his lips. The sound of his voice. I've missed _him_.

My tongue explores his mouth, the way it used to. I cling to Eli, letting his body surround me. His arms envelop me and hold me tightly against his chest as we continue to kiss. I feel Eli pick me up off the couch and I gasp. He stumbles through the hallway as he tries to find his way to his bedroom, his eyes still closed, our lips still attached. I hear Eli opening a door and he puts me on the ground, breaking the kiss.

I silently note that there isn't a lock on the door and realize why when I look into his room. It's… clean?

"You finished?" I ask, smiling at him. He nods, smiling back at me proudly. "So," I start, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Hotel Eli is officially in business?"

"Only for you, Clare," He says, pecking my lips.

"It _is_ only me, right?" I ask quietly.

"What do you mean?" Eli looks at me with a curious look in his eyes.

"You didn't sleep with Imogen, right?" I ask, biting my lip and avoiding his eyes.

"I don't love her, Clare. Of course I didn't sleep with her," He says, wrapping his arms around my waist. "You and Jake?"

"Nothing has happened. We've barely kissed. He just tried to touch me and I don't want his gross little hands on me," I say. "It always just makes me miss you more," I add, rubbing the back of his neck with my hands.

"I've missed you so much," Eli whispers, crushing his lips over mine dominantly. I wrap my fingers in his hair and move toward the bed, pushing him down and straddling him, never breaking the kiss. He grips my hips tightly and pulls away from the kiss. He smirks at my red cheeks. "Have I told you that I love you?" Eli asks, pecking my cheek.

"Have I told you that you're cute when you're sucking up?" I joke, chastely kissing his lips.

"You're cute all the time," He says and I roll my eyes.

"Suck up," I tease, yelping in shock when he flips us over so he's hovering over my body again. He pins my wrists to the bed with his hands and attacks my lips with his. Eli's tongue pushes in to my mouth swiftly and rocks his hips against mine experimentally. My pulse pounds in my ear at the contact and I stifle back a moan.

I blush, feeling his erection against my bare thigh. Eli breaks the kiss and moves to my jaw line. He moves down to my neck, kissing it lightly at first and then becoming more aggressive, biting and nipping at my skin. He sucks on my neck and bites down hard, causing a moan to erupt from my mouth. I blush as Eli pulls away and chuckles at me. "Nice hickey," He whispers, smirking at me.

"Eli!" I yell, rolling my eyes at him. He kisses my lips softly. "What if Jake sees this?" I ask.

"I love you," Eli whispers, letting my wrists free and brushing his fingers through my hair softly. I push him over and straddle him again. I pull his shirt over his head and toss it on the floor. I suck on his neck until a purple mark appears.

"Nice hickey," I mock him, kissing his lips softly.

"Oh Clare, you little minx," Eli says, smirking at me. "Now we have matching hickeys. That's not obvious," He says, chuckling.

"You started it," I tease, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Don't tease me with that tongue, Edwards," He says, his smirk still plastered on his lips. I blush and he rolls his eyes at me. "You're so shy," Eli whispers, chuckling quietly.

"Shut up," I joke, smiling at him.

"Make me," He says, raising an eyebrow. I roll my eyes at him and kiss him. I graze my fingers over his toned chest and stomach, feeling his muscles. I grip his shoulders and wrap my arms around his neck. I break the kiss, gasping for air. I reach down and start to unbuckle Eli's belt but he stops me. "I want to take this slow," He says. "It's your first time and it's my first time. I don't want it to be rushed."

I nod, bringing my hands up to play with his hair. He leans up and kisses me, rubbing my stomach through my dress. The way he used to.

His hands graze my sides lightly and he stops at the underside of my breasts. Eli breaks the kiss and asks, "Can I… touch you?" I giggle at the blush on his face and nod. He cautiously cups my breasts through my bra and dress. He kneads them in his hands and my back arches into him. He smirks at me and pulls his hands away, moving them down to hold my hips.

"You can…take my dress off… if you want," I say, blushing and avoiding his eyes.

"Are you sure?" Eli asks, kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, I'm sure," I say, quietly, almost a whisper. He slowly pulls the spaghetti straps of my dress down and kisses my shoulder. He grazes his hands down my side and finds the bottom of the dress. Eli slides it up my body cautiously, waiting for me to tell him to stop. My white cotton panties are revealed to him, then my stomach, and then my bra. I blush and avoid his gaze. He sees my nervousness and places soft kisses on my stomach. He pulls the dress over my head and tosses it on the ground.

"Is this okay?" He asks. I nod. "Are you sure about this?" He asks. I nod. "Clare, use your words," Eli says, smirking at me.

"I'm just a little uncomfortable… not because of you. It's just that…I'm just nervous," I say, rambling.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Clare, I love your body and I love you. Nothing can change that," Eli says. "You're perfect."

"How the hell did I get so lucky to know a guy as perfect, sexy, and nice as you?" I ask, smiling at him. He smirks.

"I ask myself the same thing all the time about you," He says, pecking me on the lips. I can't help but smile at his perfection. "Don't be nervous," He whispered, kissing my neck softly. I tilt my head to the side, allowing Eli more access. He bites the skin again and I swallow back a moan. Eli glides his hands down my bare sides, memorizing my curves. "Your skin is so soft," He says against my neck. I rub his back lightly, pulling him closer to me.

Eli pulls away and kisses my lips roughly, forcing his tongue into my mouth. He cups my chin in his hands and lightly rubs my cheeks with his thumbs. His hands slide down my neck to my shoulders slowly. He reaches around my back and his hands linger on the clasp of my bra.

"Can I take this off?" Eli asks, breaking the kiss. I nod sheepishly and devour his lips again. I grab his hair and play with it as he slowly unclasps my bra. Eli pulls away from my lips and slides my bra off my body. I blush and bite my lip. "I told you not to be nervous," He says, kissing me chastely.

"I trust you completely, but this is the… first time I've ever been naked in front of a guy…" I whisper nervously.

"I'm nervous too, Clare. I love you so much. You're perfect," He repeats, kissing my lips softly. He rubs my shoulders tenderly and kisses my neck. Eli's fingers crawl down to my chest, cupping my bare breasts in his rough hands. A loud moan escapes my lips and he smirks at me. He lowers his face and experimentally licks my nipple. An animalistic noise erupts from my mouth, a noise that Eli seems to like. I blush and twist my fingers through his hair while he swirls his tongue around my sensitive and hardened flesh.

"Eli!" I yelp as his teeth lightly nip at my nipple. He chuckles against my skin and pulls his mouth away, only to envelop my neglected nipple. I arch my back and bite my lip hard. I tug on his hair and earn a groan from Eli. He pulls back, kissing me eagerly and roughly.

His tongue dominates my mouth forcefully and he pushes me over so his body is lingering over mine again. I reach down and grab his belt, unbuckling it quickly. I unbutton his jeans and he helps me slide them down, still kissing me. My whole body burns in embarrassment when I open my eyes and look at the tent in his boxers. Eli breaks the kiss, a bright red blush on his face.

He kisses my neck softly, showering kisses down my neck, breasts and stomach. He stops at the waistband of my underwear, moving back up to kiss my belly button. "Can I take these off?" Eli asks. I swallow loudly and nod. Eli's long fingers pull my panties down, tossing them in the pool of clothes in his room somewhere.

Eli grabs the waistband of his boxers and looks at me. "You're positive you want to do this?" He asks.

I nod. "I love you, Eli," I whisper. He pulls his boxers down and we both blush deeply. I have nothing to compare his size to, but seeing it gives me a weird sense of pride.

I had never thought I'd see the sight: Eli standing in front of me with all his walls down, his nerves sending his heart to beat frantically against my skin.

Eli stands up, going to his desk, pulling out a condom and rolling it on. He climbs back on the bed, hovering over me. He positions himself between my legs and pushes into me slowly. "I'm sorry," He whispers, breaking my resistance. Tears fall down my eyes and I bite my lip so hard blood pours out; the pain is unbearable. I look up at Eli and see him looking at me with sad eyes. Those goddamn eyes.

He feels bad for causing me pain while he is in pure bliss.

He kisses my lips softly and starts moving in and out of me slowly. The pain fades away and I wrap my arms around Eli's neck. I meet his thrusts, sending the heat in my stomach to feel closer to exploding. Loud moans escape my mouth without my knowledge. Eli grits his teeth and reaches down to rub my clit. A moan rips from my throat at the sudden contact. "Clare," Eli moans softly. He starts to thrust faster and his pace becomes uneven. I grab his hair tightly in my hands and arch into Eli's body. His eyes roll back and a slur of profanities fall from his lips. With one final low groan, Eli falls against me, panting. He pulls out of me, tossing the condom in the trash.

"I believe I have unfinished business to attend to," He says, kissing my lips and moving so his face was in between my legs. He licks my center teasingly. I arch my back and a loud moan escapes my lips, wanting more.

"Eli," I whine, anxiously squirming. He uses his talented tongue to tease my clit. He pushes a long finger inside me and pumps it in and out of me. "Eli-i… oh God… d-don't stop," I moan, gripping the sheets underneath me. Eli's tongue rubs circles on my clit. He pushes a finger inside me and I groan. He curls his finger inside me and I feel my walls start to clench around his finger. An unfamiliar feeling consumes my body.

I cum with a loud moan that echoed through the empty house. My legs quiver and Eli licks up all the juices that pour out of me. Eli kisses my lips and lays next to me in his bed and kisses my sweaty forehead.

"I love you, Clare," Eli says, wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you, too," I whisper, feeling tired.

.

This is the way our relationship is. Once a week. One night together. One beautiful morning in each others' arms.

We aren't 'fuck buddies' or 'friends with benefits.' I can't define us, but I know it's perfect.

I know it isn't the way it's supposed to be.

But it's the way Eli and I are meant to be together…

That was the last chapter. Please send me some love in a review ;D

Thanks for reading :D


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